I'm devastated.

This... this is how it all began. 

In September 2009, I started high school. I went to the local public high school after attending the local elementary and middle schools. As the oldest child, I was the first in my family to be enrolled there. 

But I’m not like my brothers, and I wasn’t thriving in our school system. By early November, my mom and I were looking at private schools for me to go to next year. After a few tours that weren’t great, I saw an inspiring ad in the county newspaper. My mom looked up the school, but it was more expensive than expected, and my dad ruled it out. So my mom reached out to the mother of friends of mine from church, who had three kids at two different private schools. This parent recommended the same school I found in the newspaper. 

I don’t know what happened next because 15-year-olds aren’t included in every parent decision. What I do know, is somehow my mom convinced my dad that they should at least check this school out. They didn’t tell me, and on the same weekend that I was at the church winter retreat, this school had an open house, and my parents went. 

I could credit who am today from everything that happened that day, but truthfully, I know it was God. My parents know it too. Because the story I’ve been told brings my parents to a farm in rural northern New Jersey in the middle of January, wondering why they would pay so much to bring their daughter here, and leaves with my dad declaring I have to go to this school. 

Mom and I went to their open house in April, and the still super shy me brightened the world of my tour guides (who in doing so, brightened me) when they learned I would enter as a sophomore and join their class. I left with the same feeling of desire to attend.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but in three years, this place had changed me into a whole new person. The shy girl who had toured in April 2010 wasn’t like the girls who gave the tour. She never would have led a tour herself. She never would have signed up to travel out of the country without her parents on a school trip. She never would have agreed to accept a nomination for all school council, let alone the position. She never would have allowed herself to be the secondary person to lead daily announcements at lunch. 

But as I left that school as a senior, I had done all of that, and so much more. When I reluctantly signed up for the school musical a few months after arriving, the teachers had already seen something in me. So at auditions when I said I wanted to be in the ensemble, the directors let me audition for the ensemble. But the cast list came out and they disagreed - they cast me as the lead. Somehow they already knew that once I got on that stage, I’d fall in love with it. They were right. 

They were always right. The teachers, staff, and students there made me who I am today. Because I wouldn’t be this version of myself without those three years at Purnell. 

Nine years ago today, I walked across the graduation stage and left campus for the future. I moved to North Carolina for college, and I never moved back.

But in three days, this year’s graduating class will walk across the same stage and be the last in a legacy before Purnell School closes after 57 years.  

I found this out a few months ago, but I don’t feel any better about it happening. I work in education; I understand the facts the board told alumni to show why it’s just not feasible anymore. And I agree with them, but I still don’t feel good. 

I’m devastated by this news. Purnell School has impacted thousands of girls since it opened 57 years ago. They might not all feel the same way as me, but I’m sure that some of them do. Education is changing, yes, and that will affect the school, but I feel like there are still so many girls that could have benefited from this school’s environment. I can only hope they’re still able to find a school that helps them. 

It’s been 9 years since I graduated, and I haven’t been back to campus since. My class hasn’t reached a reunion year yet, and now I live in North Carolina. 

I already know next week is going to be a whirlwind of emotions for me. This crazy school year is ending and then I’ll be moving my classroom before driving to New Jersey so that I can visit my high school for the first time since I graduated and for the last time that it’s called Purnell School.

Purnell School will always be my home.